Nurse Breeders

On the morning of the 14th, a month and a day following my graduation, I woke from a dream where I had been sitting between two men, a father and son who were gently imploring me to stop acting the way I was. Even as I woke, I knew what it meant, but it's taken some days to clunk into place. Because that month was full of selfish decisions, hiding under blankets, wishing things were different and not accepting the changes that had taken place. In attempting to control everything, I lost myself for a little while. I'm somewhat back in check now (it helped that God timed this well, as Jon Randles of Paradigm was in the area this weekend and available to remind me of what I'm capable of being when looking to God for direction), but it's a continuing struggle, recognizing God fully and continuously as Lord, not just a glimpse when breaking out of the waters of disillusionment before willingly sinking back down. Jon reminded me tonight that I have to give my mind over, the mind that I guard so carefully, that I take such pride in, the mind that tries to take over when things are going well and I humor myself in thinking that it's that way due to my own superiority.

Heavy thoughts when I just came in here to talk about my cute nieces and nephews and compare Home to Home (the Starbucks here has less variety, but there are far more sushi bars available - you'll have to tell me who wins this round). I suppose it needed to be written so I can see it myself instead of locking it away in a portion of my brain, only so I can dredge it up later and hate myself a little for getting lost again.

Feel free to laugh at me, though, if I get the job I'll be applying for tomorrow at Valley Baptist Medical Center. That place has been God-mentioned over the last few months and I tried to ignore it until tonight. Jon told his cousin that he should talk to me and, given it was following church, I figured it was about joining the FBC in Harlingen, but it turns out that, guess what, the cousin is Dr. White out of VBMC. After I very nearly head-desked the table in front of two grown men, I sighed, explained, Jon pointed out the obvious and I said, yes, I will, okay, I'm applying. So if I get in, laugh, because it proves once again that God is smarter than me and I should really stop trying to one-up the guy.