Forever Ago

The lateness of the hour reminds me of when I used to do all-night blogs at my old office job when I worked the graveyard shift. I've traded to a computer room and Bon Iver playing softly in the background, unable to fall asleep because my sleep patterns are crap at the moment. So it's been a month since I've written? What should I cover? Perhaps snapshots will do:

Zara and I shouting out DAY-O to each other, born of a new love for Harry Belafonte.

Making friends at orientation, sadly accepting the fact that we'll be at different hospitals in a week's time and far away.

Donning my Tarleton Nursing hoodie for the last cold morning this Valley's winter has to offer, a whole 47 degrees.

Navigating myself around Harlingen, wondering why God sent me in this direction, but learning the roads all the same.

Filling out my RSVP for Aduma and Becky's wedding, wondering and fearing the people I'll come across in Denver in a few week's time.

Rocco vomiting milk all over my shirtfront in the middle of a crying jag. Sighing and hugging him close anyway so he can finally get some sleep at two in the morning.

Staring at myself in royal blue scrubs in the mirror and asking myself when nursing will feel real instead of fabrication.

Splitting a chocolate and pecan caramel apple with Ace and Nikki.

Agonizing on the phone with Christina before I finally remember and relax.

Having Sarah Jo and Becky both telling me it's okay to be unhappy with it, but urging me to move forward all the same.

Sleeping in until after two after three full days of actual work, leaving me awake now and considering there's still so much to go.

Time for bed, I think.

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For Adam

Z and I just enjoyed this a couple of times and then walked around the house singing our hearts out. And because Adam can't see it otherwise right now, here it is for you.

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Fawkes

Seeing as this is the first post in my new home on the web, I imagine it should be pretty long and drawn out, carefully describing my new home life and such and such, whatever. It's late, I'm not up to it and if I don't open this blog now, it probably won't happen for a while.

So this is what I'll tell you: a week back in the Valley and I've babysat three times for my older brother, once for my younger brother and gone to sit with my grandmother in the hospital twice (she had knee surgery and is doing well, thanks for asking). Surely, that nursing degree was a wise move.

I miss the 'ville and my car broke down two hours from arriving home. It then required two separate visits to the mechanic, further increasing the debt in which I lie toward my mother's bank account. It sucks and it's making me cranky. Sorry.

I have found hilarity in my niece, Zara, however. Only 21 months and she's quite the hellion. In fact, she took a dislike to me after a several month absence, though she liked Eileen very much upon first sight. Zara displayed her feelings by continually saying "NO!", wagging her finger at me and, on occasion, smacking me with tiny palms. For the first several days, she refused me hugs, kisses and, yes, even Cheetos. Life is cruel. Though, she has made a habit of being contrary her entire life when it comes to me: she chose to be born the day after I left from a week long visit and then decided to do the same thing when it came to her first independent steps. Refusing to sit next to me on the couch? Same difference. But I'm wearing her down, slowly but surely. It required me to share an orange, but the sacrifice was quite worth it.

It makes me think about when I was driving home, pre-breakdown, and I thought that when it comes down to it, I moved back to the Valley to love my family. And then my car imploded, my brother drove two hours in the middle of the night, tethered my little Kia to the back of his truck in freezing drizzle and dragged us home in increasingly worsening weather at four in the morning (my battery dying and panic rising along the way) when he had to be at work at eight and it finally got through that I moved back to the Valley so they could love me, too.

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